Ups & Downs

Well, if yer wonderin' what happened ta me and Bob, don't fret -- we're still about. Fer me, it's been various family-type commitments keepin' me from da keyboard, what wit da Christmas holiday and all. Well, dat and I also still got a little bit a da hangover from all the celebratin' I been doin since da Pack clinched da NFC Norris fer da tird straight year! ...I suspect we'll hear somethin' similar from Bob.

Yep, you make no mistake about it, we was jolly as ol' St. Nick hisself come Christmas Eve! Da Pack pulled out a timely victory agin' da Viqueens -- another 34 - 31 last-second victory off a da leg a one Ryan Longwell, which makes two dis season. And who knows? Da way things is goin', we may yet see a third chance ta beat the purple pansies!!! First, dey gotta' win on da road, on da grass, and outdoors, though. Here's hopin' the Warshington Rednecks can hold dem off and dat both da Panthers and da Rams can hold up der ends a da bargain, too. Course, I guess I don't really care who we get ta beat at Lambeau in the Playoffs in a coupla' weeks, so I may not bother workin' too hard on my NFL voodoo dolls dis weekend.

Der's bad news, too, tho'. (And no, I'm not talkin' about our thin-as-da-threads-in-my-long-underwear defense.) On Sunday, big number 92, Reggie White, was called home to da big bratwurst castle in da sky. Dey're sayin' he had a "lung ailment," and dat he suffered from sleep apnea. He may have just stopped breathin' in his sleep.

I called Bob when I heard da news, and we took a moment together ta remember all dat da "Minister of Defense" did for da Pack in da '90s. It was kinda' bittersweet, as we had just discussed Reggie da previous weekend in da Buick on da way ta Lambeau, and we was both of da opinion dat Reggie kinda' left us high and dry, what wit his leaving ta go play in Nort Carolina. It was right after dat happened dat I took my Reggie poster down, rolled 'er up, and stored 'er away in da basement.

Dis week, I went down der, dug 'er outta' da cobwebs by all da dusty ol' Leinie bottles, and tacked 'er up again. I tink he'll stick up der on my wall through da Playoffs, lookin' down over da Pack as dey make da final push ta another Super Bowl. Reggie's up der in Heaven now wit Tim da Die-Hard Packer Fan. "He tailgates high above old Lambeau, grillin' brats with Vince."

So now on to da final game a da regular season: at da Bears. Yep, dey spanked us at home da last time. But dat means Lovie's promise was met, so dey can go back ta suckin' again, far as I'm concerned. I'm thinkin' our "D" can rebound in dis game -- agin' da tird-string QB! -- and help us get some momentum goin' inta da Playoffs.

RIP, Reggie!

Inconsistency

Dis was da word a da day on my special roll a toilet paper today -- tryin' ta improve my vocabulary, you know -- and it seemed appropriate. See, da zebra crew was a disappointment on Sunday, and da reason is inconsistency. Da offense was also a disappointment, and da reason is inconsistency. Da defense... well, you get da point.

We was listenin' to Al Harris on da 8-track/radio in da Buick on da way home, and he was upset wid himself fer da game he played, but the poor man just sounded confused and defeated. Here it was, Week 15 a da season, and yet da zebras still aren't clear on what's within 5 yards, what's after 5 yards, what's before da pass, what's holding, and what's interference. How can da players know if da guys callin' da game don't know?

I'm tryin' ta move on, tho'. We got a game tomorrow, ya' know (and den some holiday or other after dat, I tink). Here's da thing: Brett Favre had a crap game on Sunday. Dis was a big disappointment, since me and Bob was hoping -- just in case dis turned out ta be his last game at Lambeau* -- he'd burn up da Jags' defense. However, in da 2000s, I tink da Pack is 10-3 in games after ol' Brett throws at least 3 INTs. I'm tinkin' dis could mean we'll have a nice, strong offensive game indoors. Some Ahman peppered in der ta shred da Viqueens' "D" intermixed with a rocketball or rainbow or two from Brett... could be a fun one.

In da end, da NFC Norris is a Christmas present all wrapped up and ready ta go a day early -- all we gotta' do is go grab it.

Go, you Packers. Go!

---

* Yes, I know dis is prolly like blasphemy ta da ears a some. Da good news is, I don't see Brett standin' for such a performance bein' his last in fronna us fans. Derfore, tomorrow, he'll be playin' ta take his team back home ta Lambeau in a coupla' weeks fer yet another home playoff victory. In da end, it don' matter -- I still tink Brett's got a coupla' more years left in 'im fer da Pack.

As Bob said after we hoofed it back ta da Buick (and run 'er fer ten minutes er so as ta cut the chill a piece), "Ya know, Jeff, despite da loss, der's nothin' quite like a Packers game in da cold at Lambeau."

Long Winter's Nap, Indeed

So's, it turns out da entire Packers team joined me in my week-long slumber. Difference is, I roused my bones da hell outta' bed before kickoff, while most a da' Pack stayed all snuggled up in der beds -- dreamin' a... I dunno', sugarplum-covered porterhouse steaks or somethin' -- through da first half agin the Motown Kitty-cats.

Luckily, dey prolly got smacked awake by Coach Shermie at da half, cuz dey definally decided to play da rest a da game after dat. End result? Longwell's leg remains golden, and we count up da 14th win in a row against dat team in da state a Wisconsin. (We'll do our best to ignore da fact dat we held da lead in da game for a grand total of -- count 'em -- two seconds.)

Gripe a da Week: After da last two flag-fests, I'm thinkin' we could use about 90 or so yards less in penalties per game. Whadda' youse think, der, Bob?

And now fer da important stuff: Me and Bob will be makin' one of our treks up ta Lambeau for dis weekend's game agin da Jacksonville Jaggy-wires. In a effort to continue da passin' on a da grand Packers tradition ta da next generation, we'll be draggin' Bob, Jr. along, too... tho' it's not like he'll be kickin' and screamin' all da way or anythin'! BJ was der wit us last year when da Pack stuck a fork in da Broncs while the Viqueens choked on da wishbone down in 'Zona. He brings plenny good luck. We'll head up ta da Holy Land and dutifully fill his young frame wit booze on Saturday night, and likely keep our insides nice and warm up til kickoff late Sunday afternoon.

The planets have aligned. Minnesota continues ta meet all expectations in the end-of-season-failure category. Da Pack is #1 in da NFC North and due ta serve another blowout ta remind da fans we matter. Personally, I can vouch for three of us, who alone should be loud enough ta be considered da 12th man for da Pack at da Frozen Tundra. The "D" also hasta' be sick a all da berating by now, and I suspect dey'll be fired up at home and ready ta prove demselves again, too.

I'm settin' goals fer da Pack: no more dan 15 yards in penalties, at least 1 defensive score, at least 150 yards for Ahman, and a TD each for Javon, Double D, and Bubba (on the "B" in our end zone, thanks). Should be a high-scoring affair, but da Pack should pull it out by 10.

Is dat so much ta ask?

Bob, any prognostications from your neck a da woods?

*YAWN*

...I tink I'll go take a nap fer 'bout a week er so.

Happy Brett Favre Day

Well, it was at least a Happy Brett Favre Day night. Bob an' me was toastin' da streak a 200 straight pretty early on Monday night -- by da time Brett hit da field our cockles were plenny warmed by da single malt we'd toasted wit about a half hour prior.

Now, leavin' out all the talk about how men shouldn't cry and whatnot, I must admit while I watched the customary MNF opening shot from the Good Year dirigible, risin' high above the Holy Land a Lambeau just after Favre took da field -- flashbulbs a-poppin' from roughly 25,000 of da seats -- I nearly wiped a tear away. Instead, though, I decided, rather than bring attention to it by my good buddy Bob, I'd let it stay der wellin' up in my eyeball 'til it decided to either fall or dry up. I didn't bother to look over at Bobberino; I knew we was of da same mind regardin' dat moment.

It had me misty about a certain other MNF game from last December. All night, the folks at ABC were alludin' to it, and a course dey showed somma' da highlights. Dis was da game agin' the Raiders right da day after Brett's dad passed (which, coincidentally, happened on Bob's Birthday -- when I called him dat night, turned out it wasn't all about balloons and sheet cake). Brett lit up dat stadium down der, and his teammates said dat game "was all about Brett." [In case ya' live in a spider hole.]

Monday night was about more than Brett, though, as it turned out. Rookie Ahmad Carroll started us off wit a defensive TD, and Michael Hawthorne finished us out wit one at da end a da game, too, just fer good measure. Carroll had a pretty great game, but so did a certain up-an-comin' runnin' back called Najeh Davenport. Maybe ya hearda' him? See, der was all dis concern over Ahman not bein' able ta start what wit his rib cage bein' all hinky, and Najeh's hammys bein' stretched to da gills. Well, dey was stretched, all right! His first game to break 100 yards, he got 178, wit a average a 9.4 per run, plus a TD.

...Now, here's where we gotta' talk a minute. Davenport's TD. What can I say about Davenport's TD?

Well, let me preface dis wit a mention dat I'm not always wrong. True, I 'spected da Pack to pull out a 17-point victory in Houston... and dey won by 3 in the last second. True, I earlier predicted dat da Giants game would be a high-scorin' affair... and a total of 21 points was scored in dat one. BUT, fer dis game, I made a prediction -- as Bob is my witness -- dat da Pack would be pullin' out a 45 - 13 victory. Final score? 45 - 17. Not bad. So der's dat.

However, I know Bob's gonna' make a big deal outta' how I made da mistake a makin' a stand when we was 4th down and 1 to go on da Rams' 40. I said we wouldn't make da first. I said it, and I admit it and I was... well, I wasn't wrong, really, was I? Hm. Did we get a first down on dat play? Why, no, we didn't! We got a touchdown. A touchdown is really technically not a first down, is it? It means 'der's no more downs necessary, we got it covered, thanks.' So, was I wrong? Well, you be da judge.

Anyhoo, in an attempt to keep what's left a my reputation in tact, I won't be predictin' this upcomin' game wit da dreaded Eagles. (I will say dey're "dreaded," though, which gives ya' an idea I'm nervous about dis one, but it stops der.) (Well, okay, one more: I also predict we'll all hear da phrase "fourth-and-26" no less than two dozen times each leadin' up ta dis game.)

And now, no doubt, some choice words from Bob.